Spinning in Time

Chris Kovacs ©2009

Where do I start?
Where do I go?
I’m falling apart,
As time’s spinning slow,
Lost on this wheel,
Head over heals,

Is it mathematic,
Or chemicals igniting?
These thoughts and these feelings,
I have to keep fighting,
Spinning in time,
Out of my mind,

Grabbing the Earth,
In fear I’ll fall off,
Fly to the flame,
Like a foolhardy moth,
So hard to breathe,
So hard to leave,

My mind doesn't help,
My heart doesn't mind,
The criminal inside,
Is looking to find,
Something to steal,
Something for real,

I'll Never See It The Same Way Again

Chris Kovacs ©2005

I saw the clouds tonight moving across the midnight sky,
I’d like to shake that feeling but as much as I try,
I’m forced now to look,
At the steps that I took,
I went from marching into battle,
To be lead away by a hook

It’s like I never saw these clouds before I met you
Now they're calling to me
What a fool you are, what a fool you’ve been
And I’ll never look at those clouds the same way again

I’ve seen the sun set over the vast Arizona plain,
I think about my plans both good and profane,
And I think of God’s grace,
Feels like I’m losing this race,
And I want nothing more now
Then to dry the tears from your face

I was hardly moved by a sunset before,
Now they're calling to me
What a fool you are, what a fool you’ve been
And I’ll never look at  a sunset the same way again

I saw the morning sun rising over the mighty redwood
The blast of heat cuts the cold air I was beginning to think it never would,
And I can’t help but believe,
God’s got something up His sleeve,
And though it looks like I’m doing life,
He’s gonna’ sign my reprieve,

I always thought the morning sun a nuisance,
Now it’s calling to me,
What a fool you are what a fool you’ve been,
And I’ll never look at the sunrise the same way again

Begging For a Change Of Heart

Begging For a Change Of Heart

Chris Kovacs ©1990

I’m a broken man,

Living on borrowed time,

Ain’t much I can put claim to,

Ain’t much I can call mine,

But that which I have,

I can never lose,

That which I’ve chosen,

I could never unchoose,

Someone has been duped,

Someone’s been waylaid,

Who ever owns the title to my soul,

Didn’t get much for what he paid,

Something’s wrong inside of me,

I’m defective merchandise,

I must concede in all honesty,

You paid too high a price,

Broken man that I am,

Who’ll save me from this skin?

Clutching vainly to what’s left,

To keep it from falling apart,

Pleading for forgiveness,

Begging for a change of heart,

Haven’t moved from this well,

Since it dried up from the drought,

A wise man once said to me,

A rut’s just a grave with the ends kicked out

Oh, all the sleep I’ve lost,

Wondering what goes on in my head,

I can toss and turn, throw the covers,

But sin still makes my bed,

Sometimes it seems like a lost cause,

It’s just too tough, too hard,

Will I ever stop digging my paws,

Into some else’s yard?

Will I drown in pity or waste away,

In this skin tight cell,

Have I counted the costs of what it takes,

To struggle from this shell?

Broken man that I am,

Who’ll save me from this skin?

I pass out from suffocation,

And end up back at the start,

Heading down that same old road,

Begging for a change of heart,

I Woke Up Feeling Nothing For You

I Woke Up Feeling Nothing For You
Chris Kovacs ©2005

I don't hear your name,
I can't smell your hair,
There’s almost no pain,
And even less care,
I can't see your smile
Or feel your despair,
I woke up feeling nothing for you,

I don't see your face,
I don't hear your laugh,
I don't remember the place,
I first saw you at,
It’s like I just shed,
A hundred some odd pounds of fat,
I woke up feeling nothing for you,

I don’t hold my breath,
When the phone starts to ring,
I don't wish your death,
In fact, I don't wish anything,
I won't even put this to music,
‘cuz there's not much to sing,
I woke up feeling nothing for you,

I hear you voice now and then
My heart doesn't move,
I wish that somehow,
I would have discovered the truth,
A long time ago
When it would have been of some use.
I woke up feeling nothing for you,

I'm done with the crying,
Done with the pain,
I'm no longer dying,
To hear you explain,
Don't know when it happened,
But it happened all the same,
I woke up feeling nothing for you,

I Never Had a Chance

I NEVER HAD A CHANCE

Christopher Kovacs ©1989

I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO HOLD YOU
NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO CALL YOU MINE
IF YOU ASKED ME I WOULD OF TOLD YOU
THOUGH IT WOULD OF BEEN OUT OF LINE

WHEN WE WALKED THAT WOODED ROAD
NOT FAR FROM THAT SHINY BAY
MY FEELINGS I COULD OF SHOWED
BUT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW I FELT THAT WAY

SOME FEELINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE DOWN
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU PLAY THE FOOL
I'VE DOVE HEADLONG OFF SECURITIES EDGE
INTO HUMILITY'S FROZEN POOL
I NAIVELY WONDER THROUGH THIS MAZE
THIS GAME CAN BE SO CRUEL
WHILE BUZZARDS ARE FLYING OVER YOUR HEAD
WAITING FOR THE FIRE TO COOL


I HAD THIS DREAM THE OTHER NIGHT
IT WAS DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE REST
YOU JUST HAD FINISHED YOUR FINAL FIGHT
YOU PAST ANOTHER TEST

YOU PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND MY NECK
I THOUGHT AH, THIS IS THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE
YOU TURNED ME INTO A NERVOUS WRECK
BUT THEN AGAIN YOU ALWAYS DO THAT TO ME

WAS IT JUST A DREAM
OR AN OVERACTIVE MIND
IS THIS QUESTIONABLE BEHAVIOR
IS IT A TELLTALE SIGN
I GOT TO BE PREPARED TO FALL
FROM THESE MOUNTAINS THAT I CLIMB
IF I HAD IT ALL TO DO AGAIN
I'D DO IT RIGHT NEXT TIME


ONE THING I KNOW TO BE TRUE
WITH GOD YOU JUST CAN'T PRETEND
YOU ONCE SAID YOU KNEW WHAT TO DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE STUCK WITH IT TO THE END

WHEN WE WERE FIGHTING THE SAME BATTLE
DIDN'T I ALWAYS STAY BY YOUR SIDE
I'M TELLING YOU I HEAR HIS RATTLE
THAT BOY'S TAKING YOU FOR A RIDE

YOUR TELLING ME TO STICK AROUND
I GUESS YOU NEED ANOTHER TROPHY IN YOUR CASE
DON'T YOU GET ENOUGH LOVE
FROM THAT PLASTIC LEAKING VASE
ONCE AGAIN I FIND MYSELF
IN A MOST UNCOMFORTABLE PLACE
I'M HANGING PRECARIOUSLY
LIKE A BRIDGE WITHOUT A BRACE


WELL I FINISHED WITH MY CONFESSION
I GUESS WE'LL NEVER MEET AGAIN
IT COMES AS NO CONCESSION
YOU STILL CONSIDER ME A FRIEND

YOU'D NEVER TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL
YOU WERE NEVER SO INCLINED
THEY SAY THE PAIN WILL SLOWLY HEAL
BUT I'M NOT THE HEALING KIND

GUESS I'VE LEARNED A LITTLE SOMETHING
GUESS I'VE COME TO GRIPS
I WAS DRUNK ON LOVE
YOU WERE TAKING SIPS
I'M TIRED OF DOING ACROBATS
TIRED OF DOING FLIPS
MY HEART MAY NOT BE BROKEN
BUT IT'S GOT A LOT OF CHIPS

Where Do I Start?

Christopher Kovacs 2009©

Where do I start?

Where do I go?

Did I move to fast?

Did I move to slow?

Is it part of a mystery I don’t yet know?

I’d sure like to see how it all pans out.

I can’t sleep tonight,

I’m too restless,

I can’t dream anymore,

It’s too hopeless,

Can’t even smell your hair

I’m still breathless,

From spinning in circles and running about.

I’d turn and go,

If I could,

Move on down the line,

You know I should,

I’ll be alright knock on wood,

I never could leave well enough alone.

I’m stuck in time,

Lost in space,

Living on beans and rice

And God’s grace,

I’d sure like to move to a better place,

Where my conscience is fully grown.

Back

Well, at it again. Just some words I scribbled on notepads, pecked on keyboards and jotted down on bar napkins. Some came to fruition, some didn't. May they have a better life on the interwebs.